Photo by Cliff Brunk

Photo by the absolutely amazing Cliff Brunk.

our readings

from Still Life with Woodpecker, by Tom Robbins

Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words “make” and “stay” become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.

The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

from Union, by Robert Fulghum

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks - all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will”- those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “ You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed- well, I meant it all, every word.” Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another- acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this- is my husband, this- is my wife.

Photo by the absolutely amazing Cliff Brunk.

our vows

Steve and Sierra, do you pledge to help each other to develop your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm and wisdom as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life?

Recognizing that the external conditions in life will not always be smooth and that your own minds and emotions will sometimes get stuck in negativity, do you pledge to see all these circumstances as a challenge to help you grow, to open your hearts, to accept yourselves, and each other?

Do you pledge to avoid becoming narrow, closed or judgmental, and to help each other to see various sides of situations?

Understanding that just as we are a mystery to ourselves, each other person is also a mystery to us, do you pledge to seek to understand yourselves, each other, and all living beings, to examine your own minds continually and to regard all the mysteries of life with curiosity and delight?

Do you pledge to preserve and enrich your affection for each other, and to share it with all beings? To take the loving feelings you have for one another and to radiate this love outwards?

Understanding that you will sometimes wound one another, do you pledge to keep your vision of each other’s potential at the forefront of your mind, to give each other the benefit of the doubt and to trust in the good intentions of each other?

Do you pledge to remember the disadvantages of ignorance, anger and jealousy, to apply antidotes when these arise in your minds, and when you must fight, to fight fair?

Do you pledge to work continuously for the welfare of others, with all of your compassion, wisdom and skill?

Do you pledge day to day, to be patient with yourselves and others, to know that change comes slowly and gradually, and to seek inspiration from your friends and family not to become discouraged?

Do you pledge to continuously strive to maintain the awareness that you are each responsible for your own happiness, that though you will be partners, friends, and lovers, you are ultimately responsible for your own needs being met?

Do you pledge to prod each other to swing at every curveball, to say YES to your adventure, to jump off cliffs with both feet?

Do you pledge to create a home and family where laughter is encouraged, respect is mandatory and everyone is welcome?

Do you pledge to encourage each other to follow your passions; to help each other find ways to integrate them into your lives and the life of your marriage so that you will never lose your connection to yourselves and your source?

Do you pledge your super-secret vow?

Do you pledge to let the losses you have experienced in your lives be a tender reminder that life is both fragile and fleeting, so that you may be generous with your love and gratitude, making its expression a daily practice toward each other and all whose lives connect with yours?

Understanding that life is as much a wild, outrageous poem, inviting you to play, as it is an ordered piece of prose, requiring your earnest efforts, do you pledge to seek out adventure, magic, wonder, joy and beauty?

Do you pledge to accept one another’s being, and at the same time, with lightness of heart and not a heavy hand, encourage each other’s becoming?

omg, photos!

registry

We’re already so blessed - not only in the company we keep (that’s you!) - but also in kitchen gadgets! We see our partnership as a commitment not only to each other, but also to our wider world community. To that end, if you would like to give us a gift, we would love if you would consider donating one of the immensely cool gifts we have selected in our Changing the Present registry.

We have selected gifts that advance the causes nearest to our hearts — education for all, poverty alleviation through microcredit lending, refugee women & children, reproductive health and even bicycling (it fits in there, we promise)!

Nothing would make us happier than beginning our marriage by helping those who need it most. Thank you so much for all your love and support as we embark upon our next adventure!

our story

Girl Met Boy

Steve and I lived in the same dorm our freshman year at Oberlin, though memories of our first meeting differ. I remember first seeing Steve as he bounded over to ask me to dance in our first swing-dancing exco class (which he had taken to meet girls…hey! that totally worked!), whereas he swears he offered me some of his string cheese several days prior. We both agree that he totally followed me home afterwards and convinced me to come out to some parties later that night.

Several weeks of hanging out followed (note to older folks: this mostly consists of giant groups of teenagers roving around to different parties and trying very hard to be cool), during which Steve kept showing up at my door and tried to overturn my total prejudice against athletes and men who wore really terrifying neon green shorts. Eventually, the persuasive combination of his knowledge of Rumi, impeccable southern manners, wanderlust, and shoulder muscles (hey! maybe athletes aren’t so terrible after all!) won me over.

We dated through college, finding ourselves, making lifelong friends, having a blast and hitting a few rough patches along the way as we grew up and bumbled our way through learning how to grow together. We moved to DC after graduation and loved that we got to come home to our own tiny apartment, our cat and our best friend.

The Proposal

On the second day of our trip to Paris, Steve insisted on extending our long walk through the city over to the Eiffel Tower. It was 1:30 in the morning, the big lights were shut off and the tower just glowed faintly. Not another soul was around and it felt like the entire world was made just for us. Steve was sitting next to me and started with you’re the best girl in the whole world, our life together is the greatest adventure and I want it to never end, asked me to marry him and gave me his grandmother’s diamond ring. I said of course.

We walked all the way home to our tiny rented apartment, totally wired, skipping across bridges back and forth along the Seine. We kept it our secret through the rest of our vacation as we explored Paris and Switzerland, grinning at each other, trying on fiancé and twisting the ring around my finger.

The Now

We moved to the Bay Area and are now living a life full of friends and food and sunshine and art and exploration. We’re madly in love and cannot wait to just be married already. If you want a peek into how I feel about Steve, you can read here, here, here, here or here. If you want a peek into how Steve feels about me, you’ll have to come over sometime and watch how he touches me every time I leave or enter a room, does laundry because I hate it, tells me I’m beautiful every day, encourages every single dream I dream up, and brings me flowers and chocolate just because.

The best part of all is that after six and a half years of loving each other, our story has really just begun.

details, details

the welcome dinner

July 31st, 2009, 7:00pm

Come say hello and have dinner with us the evening before the ceremony. Dress is West coast casual.

Pyramid Brewery
901 Gilman St, Berkeley, CA 94710
Telephone: (510) 528-9880
Map it

From San Francisco: Take the I-80 Bay Bridge and follow signs towards Berkeley/Sacramento. In Berkeley, exit at Gilman Street. Turn right at exit, the brewery is ahead on the left between 7th & 8th streets.

the ceremony

August 1, 2009, 4:30pm

Come meet us at the gorgeous Pelican Inn for our ceremony and reception. We’ll walk along the short tree-lined path to the moody Muir Beach to say our vows. Our ceremony will be rather participatory, so come prepared to make a few vows of your own.

Location & Directions: 20 Minutes from Golden Gate Bridge on Highway 1

From Highway 101 take the Stinson Beach Highway 1 exit.
Drive about 20 minutes. At bottom of hill—after miles
of wilderness—the Inn is the first building on the left.

Pelican Inn, 10 Pacific Way, Muir Beach, 94965

Parking: You may park in the Pelican Inn lot.

Dress: Look nice, but be comfortable. We’ll be walking a short distance (about 3 mins, each way) between the ceremony and reception sites on a road, and then across the beach to the ceremony site. There will be sand. The temperature usually ranges between 55 & 65 degrees. Be prepared for dancing. And yes, Garrett, you have to wear pants.

Timing: Please arrive by 4:00, as we’re aiming for the ceremony to begin around 4:30pm. We heartily recommend the day-of itinerary we’ve outlined below, as it involves walking in the redwoods, taking in unbelievable views on the cliffs of the Pacific and drinking mead!

the reception

August 1, 2009, immediately following the ceremony

The reception will take place in the Inn’s conservatory following the ceremony. There will be dinner, dancing and copious amounts of wine. There will also be mini fish-and-chips, pomegranate cider, darts, fireplace-sitting and mid-90s hip-hop. You’ve been warned.

where to stay

There are a couple of hotels near the inn as well as a decent motel in Stinson Beach. They are also very expensive (approx. $190-ungodly sums).

There are some great mid-range options in San Francisco & the East Bay, like the Metro Hotel (approx. $89-120), San Remo Hotel (approx. $75-95, shared bath), or the Chateau Tivoli (approx $130, shared bath, with breakfast) in downtown San Francisco. In the East Bay, either the Downtown Berkeley Inn (approx. $130), or the Oakland Marriott in downtown Oakland (approx. $120) are a good bet.

For those of you who would like a drastically less expensive place to stay, we highly recommend reserving a room at a hostel in San Francisco. The Downtown hostel has the most convenient location of the three, with the City Center one coming in a close second. The Fisherman’s Wharf hostel is absolutely gorgeous, more low-key, on the waterfront, with wooded grounds, but is probably a better bet if you are renting a car as it’s a bit out of the way of public transit. Private rooms for two, with two beds are $89 a night, but if you pull together a group of four, you can rent a private room for just $29 a night, per person.

There are still rooms left at all three hostels, but we suggest that you reserve a room RIGHT NOW, no really, right this minute, as they fill up very, very quickly for the summer months.

If you can’t get a room there, or can’t afford it, please let us know and we’ll find a tent/couch/floor for you to crash on.

day-of itinerary suggestion

From San Francisco, drive across the Golden Gate Bridge to the Muir Woods National Monument for an early morning hike among the towering redwoods. Here’s a trail map (pdf) to help you plan your hike.

Now that you’ve done your activity for the day, reward yourself by driving across the mountain to Stinson Beach. At this point you should be famished, so stop by the Parkside Cafe for some strong coffee and brunch on the patio. After eating your fill, grab an ice cream cone at the to-go window and walk down to the beach and relax for a bit.

After the beach, hop back in the car and head to the Muir Woods Overlook. You’ll be driving along the famous California Route 1, along the cliffs and with many harrowing turns, so plan plenty of time! Get out and walk down the path and take a million pictures.

Head about two minutes back north on Route 1, you’ll see the Pelican Inn on your left. Come on in and have a seat at the pub. Order a pint of mead or cider or beer and catch up with other guests until someone tells you it’s time to head down to the beach for the ceremony.

Please click here for a map of the stops, and here for specific directions.

other things to do in marin

Visit Gorgeous Pt. Reyes National Seashore

This place has it all…gorgeous cliffs, amazing views, crashing waves, forests, open grass fields, a lighthouse and hikes and drives galore to take it all in. Highly recommended.

Take a tour of Cowgirl Creamery
This is right in Pt. Reyes and you must stop if you head up that way.

Taste some California wines

Bacchus & Venus
769 Bridgeway, Sausalito, CA 94965

Pacheco Ranch Winery
Since 1973 the Pacheco Ranch Winery has been producing award-winning cabernet sauvignon and chardonnay wines.

235 Alameda Del Prado, Novato, CA, 415-883-5583, Tuesday through Saturday from 9:00am to 4:00pm; Sunday from 10:00am-3pm. Please call for an appointment to visit.

Point Reyes Vineyards
Their tasting room features merlot, chardonnay, voignier, cabernet sauvignon, zinfandel and pinot noir wines.
12700 Highway 1 in Point Reyes Station, 415-663-1011, 9-5 Sat. & Sun.

Ross Valley Winery
The Ross Valley Winery produces merlot, sauvignon blanc and zinfandel port wines.
Downtown San Anselmo, 343 San Anselmo Avenue, 415-457-5157, 1:00pm and 7:00pm on Tuesdays through Sundays.

Historic Walking Tour of San Anselmo

Download these audio files and listen to some history as you take a walking tour of San Anselmo.
Download PDF of Self-Guided Historical Walking Tour.

Sausalito Wooden Boat Tour

A three hour guided walking tour of the wooden boats of Sausalito!

Visit an Organic Olive Tree Orchard
The ranch includes an Italian olive oil mill, retail store, a two-acre organic garden, and a 42 foot high pavilion, reminiscent of a Chinese pagoda.

Drive the National Geographic Marin County Scenic Drive
A nice route that hits a lot of Marin’s highlights. Similar to my day-of itinerary above, but with more driving and less ice-cream cones. Your choice.

Antique & Eat

the crew

Sage
bff-since-birth / princess-of-goofballery / maid-of-honor

Sage came into my life when I was almost three and even though I wished and wished for a little sister, I almost immediately wanted to give her back (what?! she pulled my hair!). We spent years inventing ways to torture each other and then crying about it to our mom when they succeeded. A totally weird quirky child, Sage spent over a year of her life wearing exclusively black sweatpants and was so stubborn that she once sat by herself at the kitchen table for three hours because she refused to eat a single bite of green bean…who has that kind of attention span at three?

Despite our somewhat rocky start, she grew up to be one of my absolute favorite women on the planet. She’s currently a neuroscience major on her way to becoming an occupational therapist and she’s pretty much given in to my insistence that she move to California after graduation (Sierra’s Secret Master Plan: 1) Morgan moves to California 2) Sage moves to California 3) Sierra dies of happiness). When she’s not pretending to do school work, she can be found captaining the equestrian team, leaving hilarious, epic comments on my blog, manning J-board, SQUEEEing with me about all sorts of inane things, and working with special needs children.

I love Sage for her incredible compassion, her positivity and because she’s the only person who can make me laugh until I literally cannot breathe.

Morgan
bitchin’-badass-babe / screen-siren / maid-of-honor

Morgan is the most delightful mix of Texas sass and Midwestern strength. Despite slander to the contrary, she is a Hoosier through and through, with the independent streak to prove it. She escaped moved away from Indiana at 19 and spent some years living it up in NYC before moving a few weeks ago to a 70s-themed house in Berkeley that is .7 miles away from me. POINT SEVEN, people. This means that for the first time since we were 17, we get to do really boring things together like go to Target and sit around and watch television. This causes me unending joy. She mostly loves it here, though wishes that people would stop wearing birkenstocks with socks because frankly, it just really scares her.

Morgan is an actress and a film buff and if you ever see a commercial with that one girl who looks so familiar but you can’t remember at all who she is or how you know her, Morgan will be able to tell you not only her name, but also you the last three places you saw her. She’s also a very talented artist - though that statement is probably one of the very few that could make her blush.

But mostly, I love Morgan for her incredibly kind heart, her unmatched boldness, and her penchant for telling the truth, even if you aren’t especially interested in hearing it.

Garrett
totally-awesome-dude / web-dork-extraordinaire / best-man

Despite my attempts at bribery, coercion, and emotional blackmail, Garrett refused to write his own bio, so, in retaliation, I will now list every embarrassing thing he’s ever done. This tells you everything you will ever need to know about our relationship. (In contrast, his relationship with Steve is actually healthy and superclose and based on mutual interests and respect and blah blah blah they used to meet each other halfway just so they could go on their evening run together, barf).

Embarrassing things Garrett has done:

1. So this one time…

Oh look! He gave in. Here is Garrett’s bio, as written by Garrett:

Great worker
Artistic
Really awesome
Really smart
Energetic
Tries hard
Totally

Garrett would like to thank his idol, Dwight Shrute, for the inspiration. If you’re still reading this, you can find his real bio here (which he also wrote)(gosh G, love yourself a little?).

David
hotpants-wearing-neuroscientist / ultra-marathoning-maniac / best-man

David is equally competent at searching for a cure for brain cancer as he is at running in high heels (he’s the one in green). He’s working on an M.D./PhD program at Georgetown, doing cancer AND HIV/AIDs research, volunteering, adding to his already-fantastic wig collection and oh, in his free time he trains for and completes in Ironman Triathalons(that’s where just the running section is a marathon)(and there are two other sections)(I never said he was sane, now did I?).

But don’t worry, he uses his fame for good - waging battles against THE MAN over blatantly discriminatory policies - and as an innocent victim of said policies, my adorable kitten heels will be forever grateful.

He and Steve love each other and take sibling rivalry to a whole new level. If you would like to have a rousing conversation at the wedding, just ask either which one is a better athlete.

Or you could just ask them about this. Ahem.

You can find David at his training blog.

Sarah
queen-of-cuddling / politically-incorrect-feminist / ceremony-officiant

Sarah and Sierra roomed together for all four years at Oberlin (which means she also pretty much roomed with Steve for all four years at Oberlin…sorry Grandma!). Sarah will tell you that she loves characters, which is too perfect given that she is one of my favorite characters ever.

She’s a proud feminist and a passionate women’s rights activist, who also happens to adore this song. She’s an academic to the core, who thinks through the ramifications and repercussions of all of her actions, who’s also inexplicably up for anything. She’s one of the more outwardly normal-looking people that I know, who also loves everything creepy, the darker the better. One time in college I came back to our room that find that she had fallen asleep listening to a haunted house soundtrack - complete with screams, ghostly noises, crying and a horrible thunderstorm. I had to stop and think about whether she had it on and happened to fall asleep, or if she had turned it on as a lullaby. Either was entirely possible.

I love Sarah for her very large brain, her unwavering support, her commitment to her principles and her infuriating ability to play devil’s advocate in every situation.

Anuse
teddy-bear-philosopher/ everyone’s-favorite-indian / jyoti-wrangler

Anustup and I met when we were 14, which means we have a totally-spoken pact of mutually-assured-destruction. As in, he doesn’t tell people all of the terribly embarrassing things that my fourteen-year-old-self said, and I, in turn, keep my mouth shut about his various exploits. But if one of us decides to spill, ohhh buddy, it is ON. Naturally, since you are the very-public-internet, this precludes me from telling any of my very. best. stories. Suffice it to say, we each have a lot of material, and now we’ll have to stay friends forever just to protect ourselves from massive mortification.

Anuse is now inexplicably a real live grown up - a hotshot businessman who has very important clients and loads of people working under him, but to me, he will always be my 3am friend, the one who I know I can always call, no matter where he is, or I am, or what time of night or why, and he will be there.

(Also, one time, Anuse was visiting and we made sushi and since he has a long-term vendetta against eating anything that did not once own a face, he decided to roll up a piece of bodega-bought-chicken. with rice. and nori. I let him eat full three bites before I told him he didn’t have to actually choke it down and he said oh thank god and threw it away)(That story is totally fair game because it happened when we were 22 and is therefore outside of the 14-19 terms of our pact)(I’m totally going to pay for it anyway)(Whatever he tells you about driver’s ed is total hogwash).

Anuse has taken on the very important task of Jyoti-Wrangler (Mom! Have I told you that you are looking sooo pretty today?), which means more to me than he will ever know.