the crew

Sage
bff-since-birth / princess-of-goofballery / maid-of-honor

Sage came into my life when I was almost three and even though I wished and wished for a little sister, I almost immediately wanted to give her back (what?! she pulled my hair!). We spent years inventing ways to torture each other and then crying about it to our mom when they succeeded. A totally weird quirky child, Sage spent over a year of her life wearing exclusively black sweatpants and was so stubborn that she once sat by herself at the kitchen table for three hours because she refused to eat a single bite of green bean…who has that kind of attention span at three?

Despite our somewhat rocky start, she grew up to be one of my absolute favorite women on the planet. She’s currently a neuroscience major on her way to becoming an occupational therapist and she’s pretty much given in to my insistence that she move to California after graduation (Sierra’s Secret Master Plan: 1) Morgan moves to California 2) Sage moves to California 3) Sierra dies of happiness). When she’s not pretending to do school work, she can be found captaining the equestrian team, leaving hilarious, epic comments on my blog, manning J-board, SQUEEEing with me about all sorts of inane things, and working with special needs children.

I love Sage for her incredible compassion, her positivity and because she’s the only person who can make me laugh until I literally cannot breathe.

Morgan
bitchin’-badass-babe / screen-siren / maid-of-honor

Morgan is the most delightful mix of Texas sass and Midwestern strength. Despite slander to the contrary, she is a Hoosier through and through, with the independent streak to prove it. She escaped moved away from Indiana at 19 and spent some years living it up in NYC before moving a few weeks ago to a 70s-themed house in Berkeley that is .7 miles away from me. POINT SEVEN, people. This means that for the first time since we were 17, we get to do really boring things together like go to Target and sit around and watch television. This causes me unending joy. She mostly loves it here, though wishes that people would stop wearing birkenstocks with socks because frankly, it just really scares her.

Morgan is an actress and a film buff and if you ever see a commercial with that one girl who looks so familiar but you can’t remember at all who she is or how you know her, Morgan will be able to tell you not only her name, but also you the last three places you saw her. She’s also a very talented artist - though that statement is probably one of the very few that could make her blush.

But mostly, I love Morgan for her incredibly kind heart, her unmatched boldness, and her penchant for telling the truth, even if you aren’t especially interested in hearing it.

Garrett
totally-awesome-dude / web-dork-extraordinaire / best-man

Despite my attempts at bribery, coercion, and emotional blackmail, Garrett refused to write his own bio, so, in retaliation, I will now list every embarrassing thing he’s ever done. This tells you everything you will ever need to know about our relationship. (In contrast, his relationship with Steve is actually healthy and superclose and based on mutual interests and respect and blah blah blah they used to meet each other halfway just so they could go on their evening run together, barf).

Embarrassing things Garrett has done:

1. So this one time…

Oh look! He gave in. Here is Garrett’s bio, as written by Garrett:

Great worker
Artistic
Really awesome
Really smart
Energetic
Tries hard
Totally

Garrett would like to thank his idol, Dwight Shrute, for the inspiration. If you’re still reading this, you can find his real bio here (which he also wrote)(gosh G, love yourself a little?).

David
hotpants-wearing-neuroscientist / ultra-marathoning-maniac / best-man

David is equally competent at searching for a cure for brain cancer as he is at running in high heels (he’s the one in green). He’s working on an M.D./PhD program at Georgetown, doing cancer AND HIV/AIDs research, volunteering, adding to his already-fantastic wig collection and oh, in his free time he trains for and completes in Ironman Triathalons(that’s where just the running section is a marathon)(and there are two other sections)(I never said he was sane, now did I?).

But don’t worry, he uses his fame for good - waging battles against THE MAN over blatantly discriminatory policies - and as an innocent victim of said policies, my adorable kitten heels will be forever grateful.

He and Steve love each other and take sibling rivalry to a whole new level. If you would like to have a rousing conversation at the wedding, just ask either which one is a better athlete.

Or you could just ask them about this. Ahem.

You can find David at his training blog.

Sarah
queen-of-cuddling / politically-incorrect-feminist / ceremony-officiant

Sarah and Sierra roomed together for all four years at Oberlin (which means she also pretty much roomed with Steve for all four years at Oberlin…sorry Grandma!). Sarah will tell you that she loves characters, which is too perfect given that she is one of my favorite characters ever.

She’s a proud feminist and a passionate women’s rights activist, who also happens to adore this song. She’s an academic to the core, who thinks through the ramifications and repercussions of all of her actions, who’s also inexplicably up for anything. She’s one of the more outwardly normal-looking people that I know, who also loves everything creepy, the darker the better. One time in college I came back to our room that find that she had fallen asleep listening to a haunted house soundtrack - complete with screams, ghostly noises, crying and a horrible thunderstorm. I had to stop and think about whether she had it on and happened to fall asleep, or if she had turned it on as a lullaby. Either was entirely possible.

I love Sarah for her very large brain, her unwavering support, her commitment to her principles and her infuriating ability to play devil’s advocate in every situation.

Anuse
teddy-bear-philosopher/ everyone’s-favorite-indian / jyoti-wrangler

Anustup and I met when we were 14, which means we have a totally-spoken pact of mutually-assured-destruction. As in, he doesn’t tell people all of the terribly embarrassing things that my fourteen-year-old-self said, and I, in turn, keep my mouth shut about his various exploits. But if one of us decides to spill, ohhh buddy, it is ON. Naturally, since you are the very-public-internet, this precludes me from telling any of my very. best. stories. Suffice it to say, we each have a lot of material, and now we’ll have to stay friends forever just to protect ourselves from massive mortification.

Anuse is now inexplicably a real live grown up - a hotshot businessman who has very important clients and loads of people working under him, but to me, he will always be my 3am friend, the one who I know I can always call, no matter where he is, or I am, or what time of night or why, and he will be there.

(Also, one time, Anuse was visiting and we made sushi and since he has a long-term vendetta against eating anything that did not once own a face, he decided to roll up a piece of bodega-bought-chicken. with rice. and nori. I let him eat full three bites before I told him he didn’t have to actually choke it down and he said oh thank god and threw it away)(That story is totally fair game because it happened when we were 22 and is therefore outside of the 14-19 terms of our pact)(I’m totally going to pay for it anyway)(Whatever he tells you about driver’s ed is total hogwash).

Anuse has taken on the very important task of Jyoti-Wrangler (Mom! Have I told you that you are looking sooo pretty today?), which means more to me than he will ever know.